The Stages of Dissapointment

I love music.  There is no other way to say it; I just do.  So, when there came an opportunity to sing in the choir at school in 7th grade, I took the leap and tried out.  Now, I went to a very sweet, Lutheran elementary school where, as long as you weren't tone deaf, you could get into the choir.  However, I haven't left choir from then till now.  Even when I had to make the dreadful scheduling choice between band and choir, I chose to sing.  Now, as a junior, I am finally becoming more confident in my voice, along with other things, and am trying to step out more.  For our Spring Fine Arts Night, the men and women of our choir split up to sing two gender specific songs, in which there were a few opportunities for solos.  Empowered by being an upperclassmen, I tried out, tightly holding my music with trembling hands.  I went a week without knowing whether I made it or not, but I found out today.

I didn't make the cut.

The two seniors in my class split the first solo and a freshman took all of the second.  When I heard, I was devastated, but only on the inside, of course.  On the outside I laughed it off, saying that it was probably better that I didn't get a solo, because who knew how many days it would take for me to regain my voice? Inside I was switching through emotions in the rapid way only a distraught woman can.  I can't remember the exact order of all of the feelings in the beginning, but I'll try my best.  First off, I was hurt.  Obviously this means that I wasn't good enough to make the cut.  Then, I was angry.  "Mr. Nuemiller totally doesn't like me! Of course the seniors all got solos, but how in the world did a freshman get chosen over me?" Then there was apathy. "I don't care, I didn't really want a solo all that much anyway."  Then my selfish brain finally added in the fact that one of the seniors who got a solo is one of my best friends.

That was when I started thinking more clearly.

I had been going on about how we weren't takin choir seriously enough, and now we were.  I didn't make the cut, but that doesn't mean that I can't make it next time.  I love my friend and she will do an amazing job with the solo, all of the other girls will, but that won't stop the new competitive spark inside of me.  If there's one thing I like, it's winning. ;)